The Midnight Sun
The Good Life
Take me. I'm yours.
The Way Home
We Take Care of Our Own
The Holy Days
Fall On Me
Bringing It All Back Home
Learn to Be Still
Love the One You're With
I don't think there's a day on the calendar that has more chaotic energy running in, through and around it like Christmas. These 48 hours are fraught with a heightened tightness that needs periodic release valves!
I made choices this year to be with my mom, sister and nephews but my experience is not matching the picture my heart drew for me months ago. Looks like my idea of a good Christmas is different from my families and theirs from mine. It's only this morning that I can understand why that's true.
I've come to realize in a deep and profound way how central my spiritual life is to my life. I'm a mess without it. I never took for granted having a spiritual family and community; I've served it with gratitude and reverence for many years. However, now, with this reference point of not having, I can hear the suction coming from the chasm of emptiness. Yes, it's mine to do, fill myself up from within, however, it's not working and by “working” I mean I've not been able to center into my heart space on my own in these surroundings without the help of outside forces I've come to rely on. I feel like a misfit.
Another profound epiphany is how much I've embodied the value of creating a world that works for everyone. Hanging around others who are already living from such an agreement made me forget that not everyone has had the chance to understand what this means and to give it a try. We live in a world in which we fight for dominance all the time, especially for our core values. It's not about right, wrong or who's better but in order to create a world that works for everyone, there's has to be a buy in, first, to that central idea otherwise, we're all showing up for someone else's show and that's when we begin to feel like we're compromising ourselves and our authenticity begins to seep away.
So how much does someone bend? Clearly not so far as to compromise oneself but sometimes you have to bend that far to find where the line is. I've often known of no other way to live authentically. But what if you find the line and it continues to get crossed? Is the path of the heart to lean in, forgive and love or to draw the line in the snow and call boundary line?
Teaching people how to stretch the canvass wide enough so that everyone's core values matters and can co-exist with others is a value in and of itself. It seems like that's mine to do. I wonder how many families could experience greater harmony if such a moment took place?
All the material outpicturing of the season, let alone life in general, means nothing to me wihtout the infusion of the spiritual. I realized tonight that crackers with a jar of peanut butter would truly be enough as long as family and friends gather round. In fact, I wish the tree, presents, decorations and elaborate meals were all stripped away so we could be forced to simply be in each other's presence until it got uncomfortable, forced to look in each other's eyes until we said out loud, “Behold, The Christ”, forced to sit in the silence together until the vibration of love and gratitude overwhelmed us, until we bared our souls, said our amends, cried out all our sadness so that the joy could burst forth and we'd finally know who we really are.
Now that's a good Christmas.