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Blog Archives

Burn the Ships

3/1/2014

I'm inside my first creative sabbatical. It was something stirring within me long before I knew what it was and before I realized that it was my soul calling my name out loud. The logical, if not divine, outcome perhaps after losing my father, my relationship, my business partner, my beloved dog and then my job in eight months time. It was the end of my life as I had known it to be. Then, thinking I had nothing left to lose, I lost myself, then, hope. It wasn't a good time. I was dead inside, staggering through the smoldering ruins of my life where flashes of familiar memories foretold of a past of which I was no longer a part. I slept on my couch the entire time and lived a secret hell that few knew about.

"And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?" I answered Rumi's question walking through the valley of death. There, I came to realize who I am, in my own words, written with my soul's pen scrawled on the white canvas of my empty heart. I came to understand what brings me joy and why I am here and the work that is mine to do. Within that epiphany, however, I came to an even deeper awareness. I realized that if I was going to choose life again, I had to live out this dream that is coded in my soul. Like Spanish conquistador Hernan Cortes, it was time for me to burn my ships and take what felt like my final leap of faith. 

My resurrection from the ashes began in May of '09 when my beloved friend, Tina, sent me to a Springsteen concert to remember what joy felt like. That summer, I attended a spiritual conference at the majestic Asilomar conference grounds in California, the theme of which was "Arise" and I began to like the phoenix. In 2010, I participated in a powerful spiritual practice called visioning and began to get a glimpse of what my media ministry might look like and more importantly feel like. Then, in May 2011, I walked on fire and all heaven broke loose. 

That summer, I had a profound desire to work a physical job. When you die and you live inside an empty body, if you survive it, there's a need to be in that body once again, to inhabit it so completely that you feel every single space and place that fills it. So, I worked as a food server five nights a week for two years so I could build the foundation of this dream during the day, pay my bills, restore my credit and rebuild the infrastructure of my life. It was an extraordinary time of power, strength, focus, determination, willingness, excitement, humility and learning. I was healing.

Another major turning point came in April of 2012 when I turned fifty and the turbo charge button was flipped on! I released myself from obligations, told my friends and family that it was tunnel vision time, gave up long held duties and positions and gave my entire life over to building my radio show. I could see my ships burning in the distance.

Actor and musician, Jared Leto recently said, "Sometimes in order to find yourself, you must first lose yourself". I now understand that on a cellular level. Five years after having my entire life and identity striped away from me, I have surrendered to the inevitable and have ripped the rear view mirror from my life. My sights are on the NOW with a clear sense of what I's calling in. I invite you to do the same. Speak your dream out loud and call it in, call it home and let’s raise our dreams together. Come on, burn your ships.

Entertainer - Radio Personality - Inspirational Speaker - Voice Over Talent : Camille Conte marconi award winner
 National Association of Broadcasters "Personality of the Year" Marconi Award Winner!

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