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Enoughness

3/14/2014

I can't sleep tonight. It's the first time since arriving in O'ahu that I'm awake past 9:30 pm. The winds are shaking the house and the howling sounds remind me of the power of that which I cannot see. I've been using my mind's eye to go back to my arrival day, February 27, and, like a slide show, see every moment. 

My first two nights, I slept for nearly 11 hours! After a crash course in the house and pet sitting job before me, my friend was gone and I was alone with a six month old lab "puppy", Max and Sonny, the outdoor cat. 

Those first four days were incredibly stressful for all of us and I was sure that I had said yes to something that was way beyond what I could handle. I called my friend and told her so as I frantically tried to drain the dog of its unbounded energy.  Failed visits to the dog park where poop was the food du jour, failed hikes up the mountain where Max simply stopped.  He was telling me, "I'm done" and only by rolling treats down the path could I move him eventually to the entrance and back to the car. I left his harness on because getting his paws through it daily was not working. He chewed right through it and looked at me with an expression that basically said, "What else ya got?". Then he pissed on the floor. I was stressed to the Max.

My friend, as concerned as I was, brought in a dog sitter, Lisa, an angel in disguise. Taking Max for 2-3 hours allowed me to get to a beach and take in some of the sights around me. Then Max got kennel cough and I realized that the only way he would stop barking once in his kennel was to be in the room with him. It was then that I remembered, we all want love, we all want someone with us.  No one really wants to be alone. 

My friend returned Saturday morning. I went to Waikiki that night thinking that was the place to go to decompress and have some alone time before leaving here and heading back to New Jersey on a ten hour flight. As soon as I checked in to my not so great hotel room, I could tell something wasn't right. I walked the 15 minutes to the beach and found myself in the heart of Waikiki where the homeless sleep under palm trees. The streets were packed with people, the garbage pails overflowing with signs of our addiction to convenience, alcohol consumption was in high gear. There was no match to my soul's needs. I knew what I had to do.

I went back to my room, texted my friend and asked her if I could "come home"! As it turned out, she was heading to the local Unity center in Waikiki Sunday and we would go together for some much needed spiritual nourishment. There was my energetic match and I began to be filled up. The people, the music, the message fed my spirit to the brim. While my friend served the teens, I went back for more and my cup runneth over.

Afterwards, we picked up our Anchorage colleague at the airport who had a six hour layover. When I walked back into my friends home, Max came towards me with recognition and I was moved by his unconditional love.  Later my friends and I enjoyed a spirted exchange, catchng up on the months gone by and ate dairy free home-made lasagna. I stayed behind as my friend traveled back to the airport, a trip she'll have to make again Monday night when we say good-bye.

As is often the case, no one wants to leave a great experience, especially paradise! I understand why people live here. The fun, the sun, the beach, the warmth, the culture and people.  For me, it would be the ocean, the incredible blue, powerful, sacred ocean. There's a vibrational match to my soul in such a place. One of the reasons why I've taken a break from Alaska is to get to the water. I am healed by it. Tomorrow I will go to it again and give thanks.

I am noticing, though, that as I write that, my mind is becoming anxious. It's over? Really? Already?  Tonight, my mind wants to point out all the things I didn't do, convince me that we need more time. But as the trade winds force themselves up against the window, and I wait on sleep, my heart is filled with enoughness. For now. 

Entertainer - Radio Personality - Inspirational Speaker - Voice Over Talent : Camille Conte marconi award winner
 National Association of Broadcasters "Personality of the Year" Marconi Award Winner!

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